


Double Date

by orphan_account



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Double Date, Established Relationship, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8228909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: izumo, shiemi, bon, and rin go on a double date.*bubsy voice* What Could Possibly Go Wrong?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow it turned into [john mulaney's salt and pepper diner skit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTi6efpPSZ0) and i honestly dont know what i expected from myself

It was Shiemi’s idea in the first place.

It was lunchtime on Friday, and the cram school students ate together, as was their custom. Ryuji and Rin were being a disgustingly adorable couple in front of everyone else, which got Shiemi, who was slightly leaning on Izumo, thinking.

“What about a double date?” she asked suddenly.

Everyone looked up, including Rin, who was practically sitting in Ryuji’s lap, hugging his arms and making weird squeaky noises.

“I mean,” Shiemi said, blushing, “with me and Izumo, and Suguro-kun and Rin. Now that… we’re all dating.” She hunched her shoulders.

“What Is That.” Yukio broke the silence, ordering an explanation. He had no comprehension of anything to do with romance ever.

“You know??” Shiemi said. “Two couples go on a date together?? Like a group thing??”

Yukio looked down and rested his chin on his fist. “I will have to think about this in order to understand.”

“Classic Yukio!” Rin exclaimed, slapping his knee and laughing uncontrollably. “Doesn’t know  _ fuckshit _ ! We’re in.” Ryuji made an indignant squawk but protested no more.

“Sounds fun!” Izumo folded her arms. “You don’t all have to make it awkward, it’s a normal thing people do.”

A single tear fell from Yukio’s eye.

“Ahh~ Lesbians~ I wonder if I’ll be able to see that…” Shima’s eyes transformed into hearts. Ryuji shoved him into a nearby locker. Fuck that illuminati Fucker

“All right!” Shiemi seemed bolstered. “Me and Izumo will figure it out, we’ll text you the details.”

“Yeah, men don’t have brains,” Izumo agreed.

All the boys at the table nodded solemnly at this statement.

*

It was an American-style diner that Shiemi and Izumo chose. A small building with a black, white, and red theme, it had tall windows that let a lot of sunlight in, and a really big Pepsi clock on one of the walls, above a jukebox. When Rin and Ryuji walked in, a wonderful savory smell filled their nostrils. They went to join Shiemi and Izumo in a booth in the corner, when Shiemi waved to them.

“I wanted to do something before we ordered,” Shiemi said. She was smiling really wide, and Izumo was smirking with a glint in her eye.

“What’s that?” Rin asked. Ryuji had a dreadful feeling about this.

“It involves the jukebox.” Izumo’s smirk was borderline evil. “Just watch.”

The four got up and went over to the jukebox, which had a sign on it that said “3 plays for 100 yen.” Shiemi took out 700 yen, and looked at Izumo, and they both looked back at Rin and Ryuji. Rin was watching with interest; Ryuji was watching with dread. Then, of all the songs, Shiemi started punching in “What’s New Pussycat” over and over and over and over again.

After Shiemi had entered about seven, Izumo interrupted. “Wait, wait, wait, wait. Before we put in another What’s New Pussycat, let’s put in ONE It’s Not Unusual.”

Shiemi’s grin grew wider, and so did Rin’s, who was realizing. Ryuji’s look of horror only intensified.

After the It’s Not Unusual, Shiemi put in thirteen more What’s New Pussycats. And she pressed play, and they went and sat down and ordered and waited.

Service was fast and the food was good, but Ryuji could only put his head in the hands and stare in horror at the table as What’s New Pussycat played over and over again. He could feel the air in the diner growing more and more tense the longer What’s New Pussycat played.

Meanwhile, Rin, Izumo, and Shiemi were trying to eat their food without choking from laughter. “This is the best idea you’ve ever had,” Rin said through a mouthful of food, quietly.

“Look at that guy over there,” Izumo whispered and pointed to a middle-aged man with his stupid fucking kids goofing off, and his hand shaking and shooting quick glares their way, like he’s been onto them since the beginning. It isn’t until the fifth play that he snaps, yelling “GOD DAMNIT!” and slamming his fist on the table, startling his children and everyone else in the restaurant except for Rin, Shiemi, and Izumo, who have to cover their mouths to stifle their laughter. Ryuji was broken out of his stupor and slowly began eating his food.

After seven What’s New Pussycats in a row, suddenly, like the second coming of Jesus, It’s Not Unusual started playing. There was an audible sigh of relief that swept through the diner. Looking around, everyone seemed like they had become twenty years younger. Some were looking up and smiling dreamily. The diner was free from What’s New Pussycat for two wholesome minutes before It’s Not Unusual faded out.

And then…

As What’s New Pussycat began again, Yukio of all people stood up on a table and took out his gun and shot the jukebox seven times. Tears were running down his face.

“Yukio!” Rin yelled in anguish. “Why?!”

And Yukio whispered, “It had to be done.”


End file.
